Driving Sports

It has been a rough month in the auto industry. Scratch that, it has been a tough year. This month saw the demise of several automotive magazines starting with import tuning OG, “Turbo Magazine.” This was quickly followed by one of my favorites, “Sports Car International” from Ross Publications. Then, just a few days ago, Source Interlink shuttered another one of their import rags, THE Original Gangster, “Sport Compact Car.”

So here at the end of the week, with many of our colleagues looking for new employment, we turn our gaze to the automotive industry itself; namely the big three. Chrysler, Ford and General Motors are in it up to their necks and as of this week are begging and pleading for billions in tax-payer money to keep the lights on and the wheels turning. And, as of today, Congress isn’t writing any more checks.

The question becomes: should we bail out private industry that has time and time again proven that the only thing they can build are cars no one wants, trucks that use too much fuel and promises of future green propulsion that is always 15 years into the future? The stark reality is that GM and Chrysler build crap cars that all end up being sold to octogenarians or rental fleets.  Ford, which has done well for itself here and there, has managed to keep itself somewhat relevant by importing European compact cars, taking a page from the Japanese by offering well-engineered and attractive cars. Sadly we only get one or two of these gems at a time and for only short periods of time before the bean counters decide that Americans really want 20lbs of gaudy plastic shit in an overweight 40lb box.

The truth of the matter is this: The American car industry hasn’t been able to produce a decent car in decades and the Japanese and Germans have, that is why Toyota and Honda are now industry leaders and making money, Honda and Toyota build quality products. GM would have you believe that it is because they have over-committed themselves to their workforce with hugely expensive pension and healthcare plans, this is why they are bleeding red all over the economy. Don’t believe the hype. Sure, they got in deep with demands from the UAW, but if you can’t sell cars, how are you to make money to keep the doors open?

Some in the media would have you believe that this is purely a failure of management, that GM in particular, has been led down the prim rose path to destruction because of poor product planning, mismanagement and an unwillingness to invest in better products. The workers are the victims, hapless pawns who will all lose their jobs because the men wearing suits and ties couldn’t steer the boat. This is another load of smelly horseshit. How is management to steer the boat if the deckhands keep drilling holes in the hull?

Fine, management has made some bad choices, but the guys on the line actually screwing these shit-heaps together can’t seem to assemble a car to save their lives. The hallmark of American cars are cheap parts, half screwed together and about as reliable as teenage delivery boy walking down free beer and hooker street.

As a child I remember my parents had bought a Pontiac 3000 diesel; take a moment to soak that one in. I would cry if my mother strapped me into this car. Even at the early age of 5, I knew that this car would once again leave us stranded with a guaranteed walk through the beautiful Oregon sunshine (that’s Nor’wester for driving rain) and another hefty repair bill which would only ensure that nothing would be fixed and the car would randomly break down again five miles from home.

My perception of American cars, especially Chrysler and GM products hasn’t changed much over the years and I think it is justified.

You can damn near drive a Toyota pickup through the gates of hell, set a bomb off in the engine bay and fill the gas tank with water, and the damn things will still drive. My first car, a 1990 Honda Accord survived me and my two brothers plus another decade of driving before it was hit in a fender bender where the insurance company deemed it dead despite the fact that it still ran and drove better than our old Pontiac ever did, this with over 300,000 miles on the clock. In its 17 years of service it never missed a day on the road.

This is something that the Big Three have never figured out. How to build a quality, reliable car that doesn’t feel like a snap-together model.

Bailing out the big three will be throwing good money after bad. Sure, you can pay off the workers and appease the UAW for now, but then what? Another $25 billion in the bank isn’t going to miraculously make their cars better, it isn’t going to lower gas prices so that Americans will keep buying SUVs ad infinitum nor is it going to save the U.S. auto industry.

The Big Three are going to have to do like the rest of us, tighten their belts, shrink their operations, learn how to build cars and maybe, just shut their doors and accept their failure.

We couldn't find a picture of a Pontiac 3000, so we used a stock GM photo of a similar-era Pontiac GTO. It was that or a picture of a bunny with a pancake on its head.